If you've ever used a grocery cart from the local supermarket as a moving van, you might be a redneck.
If you've ever tried to bring said shopping cart (full of your prized possessions) onto a city bus, you are most likely a redneck.
And if, when the driver refuses to let you board the bus with said cart because it's illegal to STEAL, your response is, "Nuh-uh, I bought this here cart fer a quarter!", you are DEFINITELY a redneck. And a big, fat F.L. (figure it out).
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
For the last time...
Have. Your. Fare. Ready. FUCK!
And if you really can't spare one moment of your sitting-around-on-a-bench time to open your purse, backpack, pocket, etc... and pull out your pass/ticket/change, then do not insist on being the first person in line so that you may hold up all of the nice people who were smart enough to follow the rules!
In a real city, a city where people actually take public transportation to reach a destination (and not just as a form of entertainment), a person would be heckled right out of the terminal for holding up a bus like that. Oh no, but not here! Here, they just plop their purse right up on top of the farebox and proceed to empty the entire contents onto the dashboard of the bus.
"Oh, I know it's in here somewhere! Just hold on a minute, I'll find it!" Really, "hold on a minute"? Do you think I can fucking go anywhere anyway with all your shit spread out all over the place, and with 75 people behind you standing in the doorway?
Repeat after me: YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD! THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU! OTHER PEOPLE HAVE PLACES TO GO AND SHOULDN'T HAVE TO WAIT FOR YOUR SORRY ASS!
And if you really can't spare one moment of your sitting-around-on-a-bench time to open your purse, backpack, pocket, etc... and pull out your pass/ticket/change, then do not insist on being the first person in line so that you may hold up all of the nice people who were smart enough to follow the rules!
In a real city, a city where people actually take public transportation to reach a destination (and not just as a form of entertainment), a person would be heckled right out of the terminal for holding up a bus like that. Oh no, but not here! Here, they just plop their purse right up on top of the farebox and proceed to empty the entire contents onto the dashboard of the bus.
"Oh, I know it's in here somewhere! Just hold on a minute, I'll find it!" Really, "hold on a minute"? Do you think I can fucking go anywhere anyway with all your shit spread out all over the place, and with 75 people behind you standing in the doorway?
Repeat after me: YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD! THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU! OTHER PEOPLE HAVE PLACES TO GO AND SHOULDN'T HAVE TO WAIT FOR YOUR SORRY ASS!
My Bad -- I Thought We Were Sharing Toxic Chemical Fumes!
Why do people not realize how gross and rude it is to suck on their stupid cigarettes until the very last second the bus pulls up, and then exhale all that smoke into my face as they are boarding the bus?
Would it be okay for me to start carrying around a can of oven cleaner and then spray it into the faces of the offending smokers? I'm sure they would be very pissed, and possibly even try to have me arrested for assault if I gave them a big 'ole face full of Easy Off. But they forced me to inhale their nasty tobacco fumes, now all I want to do is return the favour!
Then of course I would just act like I didn't realize what I did was rude. "Oh, I'm sorry! Did you not want me to blow noxious fumes in your face?" That's my favourite part -- when the cloud of smoke is hanging over my head, they sort of wave their hands in front of their face to disperse the smoke and say, "I'm sorry," with a sheepish grin. As if they didn't realize that cigarettes make SMOKE come out of your mouth!
Don't be sorry. Just be far away from me.
P.S. This only happens when the smoker is waiting for the bus with a crowd of other people. If a person is standing at the bus stop alone and hasn't thrown down their butt by the time I am within six feet of the stop, I just resume speed and drive away. You can't smoke on a bus; Therefore anyone who is still smoking when the bus pulls up doesn't really want to catch the bus anyway.
Would it be okay for me to start carrying around a can of oven cleaner and then spray it into the faces of the offending smokers? I'm sure they would be very pissed, and possibly even try to have me arrested for assault if I gave them a big 'ole face full of Easy Off. But they forced me to inhale their nasty tobacco fumes, now all I want to do is return the favour!
Then of course I would just act like I didn't realize what I did was rude. "Oh, I'm sorry! Did you not want me to blow noxious fumes in your face?" That's my favourite part -- when the cloud of smoke is hanging over my head, they sort of wave their hands in front of their face to disperse the smoke and say, "I'm sorry," with a sheepish grin. As if they didn't realize that cigarettes make SMOKE come out of your mouth!
Don't be sorry. Just be far away from me.
P.S. This only happens when the smoker is waiting for the bus with a crowd of other people. If a person is standing at the bus stop alone and hasn't thrown down their butt by the time I am within six feet of the stop, I just resume speed and drive away. You can't smoke on a bus; Therefore anyone who is still smoking when the bus pulls up doesn't really want to catch the bus anyway.
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